Tears

I've learned a lot in my first six weeks of being a mom, but one of the main things I've learned is that motherhood involves a lot of tears.  Tears of joy, tears of exhaustion, tears of loss, tears of fear, baby tears (that is once they start producing tears), learning tears, nap tears (happening as I write this), and tears of incomprehensible love.  I cried the moment I learned that I was going to have a c-section, the instant our little boy was born and I heard his healthy cry, the time I first laid eyes on him, the first time I held him, the moment I saw his dad holding him, the first time I fully saw my post-baby body in the mirror, in the middle of the night when I was nauseous with lack of sleep and couldn't believe he really needed to eat again, as I folded up his newborn clothes to pack away because he outgrew them, the night before he turned one month old because my baby was just growing up too fast, when I've read him a multitude of books that talk about how much parents love their children (it's so true), when I think that he will never get to meet his Grandma Charles, and even as I write this because my love for my little Wesley David far outweighs what I had imagined.

He's perfect.  And he's a lot of work.  Nobody was joking when they said this parent gig is a full-time job.  The learning curve is exceptionally high, there is no manual, and the only training is on-the-job training.  About once a day my husband and I look at each other and simultaneously say, "I'm exhausted."  But we also, numerous times a day, look at our little son and talk about how cute, perfect, angelic, tiny, amazing, and unbelievable he is.  And about once a week one of us says we should make another one.  I mean, our baby is almost a little boy already.

These last six weeks have definitely been a roller coaster, but we continue going on roller coasters because they're just so darn fun.  It's the same with parenting.  Being a mom is just so fun!  And weird.  I still can't believe I'm a mom to this little man.  He made me a mom and yesterday, Mother's Day, was so special for me.  But each time someone wished me "Happy Mother's Day," I almost couldn't believe they were talking to me.  When I think of a mom I imagine my most amazing mother, who I miss everyday, and who taught me so, so, so much.  She's the reason why I know what indescribable love feels like, what a fantastic mother looks like, what the perfect "I love you" sounds like, and how to laugh at what a dirty diaper smells like.

So as I hold my little baby (his nap obviously didn't work out), I am grateful for the tears.  They let me know I'm doing this mom thing right.