My heart could burst

About once a day I look at Wesley and feel like my heart could burst with how much I love him.  It's unreal.

Wearing his Great-Poppy's hat

4 months!

He loves his Sophie, but he loves those two fingers even more

Wes sandwich!  We liked it a lot more than him, I think.

My happy baby.  Continue melting, my heart. 

Remember this when he's a teenager

I was just sitting in the rocking chair in our nursery with a sweet little sleeping Wesley in my arms.  Drew came in to look at him and I whispered, "Look how perfect he is."  Drew's response was, "Remember this when he's a teenager."  So true.  It reminded me that we are in this for the long haul. These first few months are just the beginning.  We are Wesley's parents for our whole lives.  And how blessed we are.  Bring it on!  

What I've Learned in Three Months as a Mom

Our little WD turned three months old yesterday and I can't believe it!  The time has gone by so, so quickly.  I hang out with this little man all day, everyday and yet I really don't feel like a mom...even writing that word seems so strange when I use it as a descriptor for myself.  Sure, my friends and family with their kids and newborns are moms, but me?  Really?  Yes, yes, really.  I am a mom, whether I actually feel like a mom or not.  And in my three months as a mom, here are a few things I've learned:

• Babies store up SO much lint in their tiny little hands, between their fingers, between their toes, and even in their armpits.  And it sometimes smells, real bad.  I don't know where all this lint comes from, but I thoroughly enjoyed collecting it everyday from Wesley's crevices (or crevii, as his Dad and I call them).  And, yes, I'm one of those people that likes to pop zits and pick at anything, so this was a source of true joy.  I especially liked it when I was able to pull out the lint from between his fingers in one huge piece.  It was devastating when it didn't stay together.  Now that he keeps his hands open most of the time, the lint game has abated a bit.  Sad day.
• About once a week, I look longingly at a young couple with no kids going out to dinner or enjoying the day and think that it might be nice to go back to that.  I kind of expected to have these thoughts every now and then once we had our baby, but what I've learned in the last three months is that it is okay.  It's okay to miss the way things were and it's okay to wish for some baby-free moments.  I wouldn't trade Wesley for anything in the world, but it's okay that I feel this way and feeling guilty about it won't do anyone any good.  So, I indulge in my little fantasies and think about what I'd wear (and how looooong I would take to get ready), where we'd go, what we'd eat and drink (more than one cocktail, for sure), and how incredibly long we would sleep in the next morning.  I'm grateful everyday for the sweet, amazing baby we have, but I'm honest and realistic enough to know that these thoughts are normal and that they are okay.
• How many breastfeeding (nursing, for those squeamish folk) positions there are!  Since I feed Wesley anywhere from 6-10 times a day, I've had to get very creative.  Right now, he is eating propped up with a Boppy pillow and rolled up burp cloth so I can type over him with both hands.  Along with this, is the dramatic impact that breastfeeding has had on my wardrobe choices. I now judge each outfit with how easily I can access my son's feeding source and still maintain an amount of decency for myself.  And whether my nursing pads will be too obvious...
• Wesley's smile lights up my whole life!  I knew that it would be awesome once he started smiling, but I no idea just how awesome.  His eyes get all sparkly, he gets so excited, and he smiles at me.  At me!  What did I do to deserve him?!  I do whatever I can to get to see that smile as many times in a day as possible.   
• Growing is terribly bittersweet.  I want Wes to grow fatter and taller and bigger, but I'm sad as I watch my little baby disappearing.  I want him to roll over (which he has done already - both ways!), but I also still want to be able to put him down anywhere and not have to worry about him.  I want him to sleep through the night (which he has done quite a few times - hallelujah!), but I also kind of miss those nighttime feeding sessions.  [Side note: I've also learned that those 8-10 hour sleep sessions that we longed so much for would be a lot more enjoyable if I didn't wake up at 4:00 a.m. in so much pain that I have to drag myself out of bed to pump, meanwhile praying that the little guy doesn't wake up at exactly the same moment looking to eat.]   I love that he's learning and starting to explore and so curious, but I miss the days when all he did was stare at me.  I want him to be my baby forever, and he will be. 

I've obviously learned a lot, lot more, too much to even remember.  But above everything, I've learned anew how much God loves us!  He loves us even more than we love Wesley and that's mind-blowing.  We are so in love and we are so blessed.  Happy 3 month birthday, baby boy.

  

Tears

I've learned a lot in my first six weeks of being a mom, but one of the main things I've learned is that motherhood involves a lot of tears.  Tears of joy, tears of exhaustion, tears of loss, tears of fear, baby tears (that is once they start producing tears), learning tears, nap tears (happening as I write this), and tears of incomprehensible love.  I cried the moment I learned that I was going to have a c-section, the instant our little boy was born and I heard his healthy cry, the time I first laid eyes on him, the first time I held him, the moment I saw his dad holding him, the first time I fully saw my post-baby body in the mirror, in the middle of the night when I was nauseous with lack of sleep and couldn't believe he really needed to eat again, as I folded up his newborn clothes to pack away because he outgrew them, the night before he turned one month old because my baby was just growing up too fast, when I've read him a multitude of books that talk about how much parents love their children (it's so true), when I think that he will never get to meet his Grandma Charles, and even as I write this because my love for my little Wesley David far outweighs what I had imagined.

He's perfect.  And he's a lot of work.  Nobody was joking when they said this parent gig is a full-time job.  The learning curve is exceptionally high, there is no manual, and the only training is on-the-job training.  About once a day my husband and I look at each other and simultaneously say, "I'm exhausted."  But we also, numerous times a day, look at our little son and talk about how cute, perfect, angelic, tiny, amazing, and unbelievable he is.  And about once a week one of us says we should make another one.  I mean, our baby is almost a little boy already.

These last six weeks have definitely been a roller coaster, but we continue going on roller coasters because they're just so darn fun.  It's the same with parenting.  Being a mom is just so fun!  And weird.  I still can't believe I'm a mom to this little man.  He made me a mom and yesterday, Mother's Day, was so special for me.  But each time someone wished me "Happy Mother's Day," I almost couldn't believe they were talking to me.  When I think of a mom I imagine my most amazing mother, who I miss everyday, and who taught me so, so, so much.  She's the reason why I know what indescribable love feels like, what a fantastic mother looks like, what the perfect "I love you" sounds like, and how to laugh at what a dirty diaper smells like.

So as I hold my little baby (his nap obviously didn't work out), I am grateful for the tears.  They let me know I'm doing this mom thing right.

Enjoying This Time

So, our little baby is about 4 days past its* due date now.  I won't say late because the little bean will come when it is ready - at the exact right moment - and God already knows its birthday!  In the meantime, Drew and I are enjoying the calm.  We've been sleeping in, I've been doing a lot of napping, we've been going out to eat almost every meal (and I don't even feel guilty since we won't be able to do it soon and my dieting has got to start soon too!), and we've just generally been relaxing and enjoying each other.

Thankfully, we're not anxious.  Don't get me wrong, we are definitely excited – excited to see what my body is capable of during labor and delivery, excited to see what my body is capable of once the baby is born and I can still provide every nutrient that little one needs, excited to see what my husband and I are capable of as new parents, and so, so excited to see what our child is capable of.  But we know that peanut will come exactly when it is supposed to.  As long as I still feel great and our baby is doing well in there, we don't mind waiting.  In fact, it has been a wonderful time to just be still and know God is in charge.  As Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God."  There is no better time to be still than when you are waiting.  And I'm enjoying the peace of knowing and feeling exactly who is in charge.  And it's not me!        


*  Yes, I refer to our baby as "it" and that doesn't bother me.  Hope it doesn't bother you either.  But, since we don't know the gender, it is just too much work to write he/she every time and "their" wouldn't be proper grammar.  So it it is.

Art of the Baby's Room

As we anticipate the arrival of our little nugget (hopefully any day now!), Drew and I have been busy putting the final touches on our baby's room.  Lately when Drew comes home from work I will be in the baby's room organizing (or more likely reorganizing) and his response is typically something like, "Didn't you do that yesterday?"  Yes, yes I did do that yesterday, but I got an idea about a better way to arrange something so I had to put it in action.  I think they call this, along with all of the cleaning I've been doing, nesting...

I think that we've accumulated so much cute art for the baby's room that I wanted to share it.  Most of it we got from Etsy, but some of it is from family and dear friends.  So, without further ado, here is the art of the baby's room!

Adorable decal from Etsy

Rocking chair that Drew was rocked in as a baby - we
reupholstered it ourselves.  And we think it turned out pretty cute!

This wooden Octo from Etsy makes me giggle every time I look at him. 

Mr. Crab from Etsy

Growth chart from Etsy - it may be awhile before bean uses it

Sea turtle (eek!) from Etsy

Bee plaque from Sarah - so special

This was hanging in my room when I was a baby! 

Cradle that Drew's grandpa made & AWESOME USC mobile from Lindsay.
Fight on!  

Bring Out The Quilts!

We are lucky that we know many talented and creative people because if it wasn't for them our bean would not have any homemade blankets or quilts.  Because, Lord knows, I am far from crafty in the sewing, knitting, crocheting arena.  Each blanket and quilt that people have made for us is extraordinary.  I don't know how they do it!  I almost couldn't even imagine anything cuter than the things these ladies are able to make.  Since I am obsessed with our baby quilts, I thought I'd display their amazing handiwork here.  Please, don't be too jealous.

Travel the World quilt made by our friend, Christa Martin - she is an amazing & prolific quilter!

Zigzag quilt made by my Aunt Beverly - I cannot get over how cute the fabrics are

Woodland creatures quilt made by Drew's family friend, Paula Choy - the back is fleece.  So cozy!

Block quilt made by my paternal Great-Grandma, Fannie Kanode  - it is such a special family heirloom 

Cape Cod

Drew and I spent this past weekend in Cape Cod for a Valentine's Day/President's Day/Babymoon celebration.  Every single moment was amazing!  We most certainly did not want to leave. 

We stayed at the most charming bed & breakfast called The Platinum Pebble in West Harwich.  We splurged and went for the room with a king bed, fireplace, and gigantic soaking tub (it was even big enough to fit me!).  It was really one of the nicest places we have stayed.  Each morning, breakfast was brought to us in our room!!  It was so wonderful to be able to eat in our jammies in front of the fire.  Each afternoon the wife, of the British husband/wife duo that owns the place, would bake a delicious treat for us and the room was stocked full of complimentary snacks and beverages.  Drew was also enamored with the fact that they provided free scotch in the main common space for a pre-dinner drink or nightcap.

On Saturday night there happened to be blizzard-like conditions while we were out there on the Cape, but it really didn't effect us much since it didn't get nasty until later in the evening and just lasted through the night.  We awoke to a beautiful wintery landscape on Sunday morning and took full advantage of it!  We went for a gorgeous snowy walk along the Cape Cod Rail Trail in the afternoon and capped off our exercise with a post-blizzard Blizzard from Dairy Queen.  On Sunday night we had a romantic and tasty dinner at a cute little restaurant named Fin.  Other than eating, we went to the Sandwich Glass Museum, explored some of the Cape's coastline, spent a lot of time in front the fireplace watching the Olympics, playing Scrabble, reading, relaxing, and just enjoying each other's company.  We are doing all we can to embrace the calm before our little bundle arrives.

Other than feeling bigger by the day, I am still thankfully feeling great.  The other day as I tried to turn over in bed, my loving husband joked, "Caution, makes wide turns."  I guess I can't really argue with that.

Rubber ducky gift for our little one compliments of the Platinum Pebble

Beginning of the blizzard!

Still smiling even though I beat him at Scrabble

Post-blizzard Blizzard!

Yep, we definitely toured this chip factory.  Walked out with five bags... 

Gourmet breakfast in our room.  Such luxury!  This morning we both woke
up very sad that somebody wasn't bringing us breakfast in bed.  

Happy Belated Valentine's Day from me & the bean! 

Yowzers!

Can you really even say you have a blog if you haven't written in four months?!  A lot sure has happened since I last wrote.  Our niece, Ainsley Grace, was born on October 9, 2013.  I got to be there for her birth and it was such an amazing experience.  She is a perfect little girl and her parents are doing an amazing job!

My baby niece on her birthday

She's growing too quickly!

I've been lucky enough to see Ainsley every month since her birth, but I haven't seen her yet in January and don't know if I will be able to.  I miss her so much already!

Also, in other baby news we are expecting our own little bundle of joy in March!  Less than two months away!!  I have been very fortunate to have had such a smooth pregnancy so far.  No nausea, heartburn, sleepless nights, or really any other negative side effects.  I feel great, if just a little slower getting up and around these days.  I hope the labor, birth & baby are as easy as the pregnancy has been.  I also haven't really had any cravings or odd pregnancy quirks.  I've just been eating a lot more ice cream than I normally would, but I feel like it all the time anyways.  The holidays were a really good time to be pregnant because I was just able to eat as much as I wanted of everything.  I think only once have I actually gorged myself completely.  It was due to a delicious dim sum lunch and I couldn't eat for the rest of the day.  I basically had to lay in bed because of my poor food control.

Our baby is quite the active little peanut (well, actually more like a honeydew at this point) and it is so fun to feel the love moving around in there.  We don't know the gender yet and are waiting until the big day to find out.  Drew & I worked a lot on the nursery this weekend and have it just about all set up.  It is looking pretty cute in there and we are so excited/astonished that we will have a baby living with us soon!  Hopefully I'll be better at blogging once our baby arrives.  I know I'll have lots of updates then! Since I missed posting for most of my pregnancy, here is a my most recent photo - 32 weeks.