Our little WD turned three months old yesterday and I can't believe it! The time has gone by so, so quickly. I hang out with this little man all day, everyday and yet I really don't feel like a mom...even writing that word seems so strange when I use it as a descriptor for myself. Sure, my friends and family with their kids and newborns are moms, but me? Really? Yes, yes, really. I am a mom, whether I actually feel like a mom or not. And in my three months as a mom, here are a few things I've learned:
- Babies store up SO much lint in their tiny little hands, between their fingers, between their toes, and even in their armpits. And it sometimes smells, real bad. I don't know where all this lint comes from, but I thoroughly enjoyed collecting it everyday from Wesley's crevices (or crevii, as his Dad and I call them). And, yes, I'm one of those people that likes to pop zits and pick at anything, so this was a source of true joy. I especially liked it when I was able to pull out the lint from between his fingers in one huge piece. It was devastating when it didn't stay together. Now that he keeps his hands open most of the time, the lint game has abated a bit. Sad day.
- About once a week, I look longingly at a young couple with no kids going out to dinner or enjoying the day and think that it might be nice to go back to that. I kind of expected to have these thoughts every now and then once we had our baby, but what I've learned in the last three months is that it is okay. It's okay to miss the way things were and it's okay to wish for some baby-free moments. I wouldn't trade Wesley for anything in the world, but it's okay that I feel this way and feeling guilty about it won't do anyone any good. So, I indulge in my little fantasies and think about what I'd wear (and how looooong I would take to get ready), where we'd go, what we'd eat and drink (more than one cocktail, for sure), and how incredibly long we would sleep in the next morning. I'm grateful everyday for the sweet, amazing baby we have, but I'm honest and realistic enough to know that these thoughts are normal and that they are okay.
- How many breastfeeding (nursing, for those squeamish folk) positions there are! Since I feed Wesley anywhere from 6-10 times a day, I've had to get very creative. Right now, he is eating propped up with a Boppy pillow and rolled up burp cloth so I can type over him with both hands. Along with this, is the dramatic impact that breastfeeding has had on my wardrobe choices. I now judge each outfit with how easily I can access my son's feeding source and still maintain an amount of decency for myself. And whether my nursing pads will be too obvious...
- Wesley's smile lights up my whole life! I knew that it would be awesome once he started smiling, but I no idea just how awesome. His eyes get all sparkly, he gets so excited, and he smiles at me. At me! What did I do to deserve him?! I do whatever I can to get to see that smile as many times in a day as possible.
- Growing is terribly bittersweet. I want Wes to grow fatter and taller and bigger, but I'm sad as I watch my little baby disappearing. I want him to roll over (which he has done already - both ways!), but I also still want to be able to put him down anywhere and not have to worry about him. I want him to sleep through the night (which he has done quite a few times - hallelujah!), but I also kind of miss those nighttime feeding sessions. [Side note: I've also learned that those 8-10 hour sleep sessions that we longed so much for would be a lot more enjoyable if I didn't wake up at 4:00 a.m. in so much pain that I have to drag myself out of bed to pump, meanwhile praying that the little guy doesn't wake up at exactly the same moment looking to eat.] I love that he's learning and starting to explore and so curious, but I miss the days when all he did was stare at me. I want him to be my baby forever, and he will be.
I've obviously learned a lot, lot more, too much to even remember. But above everything, I've learned anew how much God loves us! He loves us even more than we love Wesley and that's mind-blowing. We are so in love and we are so blessed. Happy 3 month birthday, baby boy.
